Trust is a fragile thing...

We learned some very important, but quite painful lessons today.
Trust 101 started at the park this morning. Mike and I are choosing to either carry Nina, or let her walk if she wants to, trying to at least hold her hand. We feel that she needs this closeness, and we're all about promoting attachment as quickly as possible. We're not using a stroller, and we're staying away from high chairs as much as possible. Anyway, this morning we thought we'd try to see if she liked to ride on Daddy's shoulders. After all, what child does NOT like that, right? If you rembember, Nina's world has been all about her Baba the previous 24 hours. So we hoisted her up there, and she seemed okay. Pretty soon I heard this little whimper, and she had this subtly terrified look on her face. Mike got her down right away, but he has been in the dog house ever since. Wow, what an impact! We think that she might feel betrayed in her intial trust. The work starts all over.

You would think this gave us a clue into the fragile nature of her trust. Nope. Lesson not learned yet.
Trust 102 was just around the corner. After the "Ride-on-the-shoulders" incident, Mama was #1 again. Which was nice, but what in the world was I thinking when I decided to go for another massage this afternoon??? As far as the massage goes - I'm quite an optimist, so I was willing to do this again, but I opted for the foot massage only, and there were NO metal bars on the ceiling. I thought that was pretty safe. And it was very nice. The gal who did it was so sweet, and she was very good at what she did. Not only did I get a foot massage (she was very concerned about the state of my heels, though :-)) ), but also a shoulder and back rub while my feet soaked in lavendar water, and a leg massage. Very nice. I definitely recommend this one!
But anyway, when Mike and Nina left me at the health center, she seemed just a little bit concerned. I thought for sure that she would be just fine with Mike. WRONG. Again. Very wrong. When I came back to the room, I was met by an eerie silence. Mike was sitting on the bed with a completely dishelved little girl on his lap, who had just been inconsolable almost the entire time I was gone. I felt horrible. She latched on to me and we snuggled for a long time, until her sobs started to get less. A magic little yoghurt drink helped a lot too! It took quite a while until she was back to her happy self, and we played on our bed for a long time after that. She was worried, that her new Mama that she had just started to like a little, and that she just started to trust, had left her again. Poor little girl.
Again, I did not intend to do this to her. But I very wrongly assumed that she would already know that I will never leave her.
NOT. We're learning that trust is very fragile, just like a little seedling that is just peeking it's delicate leaves out of the cool soil. Vulnerable. Dependent on gentle care. Easily uprooted.

Today is a new day. Nina is pretty happy, and Daddy is back in the circle of trust. I pray that today we do better...