6 months

Another milestone has come and gone.
On January 3, it was 6 months since we officially became Nina's parents.
I just re-read the header of our blog, and how Nina was just our "China girl" a year ago.
Someone distant.
A wish.
A hope for something yet to be.
And now she has become a part of our family, and when I look at pictures like this one, it feels odd. One is missing.
I have been thinking about this post for several days now, and it's so hard to summarize our life. Nina's life.
One thing illustrates it real nice, though:
Nina has taken great comfort in being one of the "kiddos". We use this word quite frequently (obviously), and besides her name it's probably the term she identifies most with. We can say "are you Nina Gabriella FuBo?", and she will answer "No, I'm a kiddo". I can say "Nina, you are my daughter", and she will reply "No, I'm a kiddo". THAT she is certain about. And to her it's like a favorite blanket or a comforting bottle of warm milk.
She is a kiddo.
End of story.
I am so fascinated with her making things bearable for herself. Not that I feel that she was suffering all the time, but she is putting pieces of this new puzzle called FAMILY together. She is replacing the uncertainties of the last few months with things she is certain of. Some days, she doubts my love. Some days she just crumbles over the smallest things.
But she IS a kiddo.

I've had ambivalent feelings lately: Nina has really had a fairly easy transition, and even after checking and double checking, I see very few concerns regarding her attachment to us. She is a happy, content little girl, and not difficult to parent. At the same time I find myself exhausted from this very intense post-adoption parenting. I did not expect this level or length of intensity, to be honest. I had read a lot, and felt prepared, but honestly, this is more intense than I had anticipated. My heart really goes out to those parents who have significant struggles with attachment and difficult behaviors.
Don't get me wrong - I am NOT second guessing our decision to adopt. I love Nina very, very much. She is my kiddo ( :-)) ). But in a sense I have not reached a level of "normalcy" yet that I'm longing for. I definitely know her MUCH better than six months ago, but I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her. Sometimes things will set her off that I so did not expect, and I always have this nagging thought of "am I doing enough?" in my head.
Our life is so busy, busy, that I have rarely time to just sit and enjoy my heavenly father speaking to me. And I honestly think this is a big part of my problem. Maybe trying to do it all in my own strength? Oh, do I know that it doesn't work that way!
Just as I'm typing this, I feel the Lord whispering to my heart: "I HAVE ENOUGH". Enough of what I need.
I really didn't mean to pour my heart out like this, or to sit here bawling my eyes out while I'm typing, but maybe this could be considered "therapeutic blogging"???????

I feel much better now that I have this off my chest, so let me share some of Nina's accomplishments with you:

One big milestone is that we were able to transition her into her own room right after Christmas. For almost 6 months, she slept in bed with us, or at least in the same room. This was a good thing for us, but all of a sudden she was ready for this change. It was not a fight, nothing traumatic, and for that I'm very thankful.
(Update: last night she fell out of bed for the first time!)

I just weighed and measured her, and although she has not gained much weight (about 1 pound), she grew over 8cm since her last chinese report from last May. I think she even grew while she had her leg in the cast, as some of her pants that fit her before seem to be just a tad high water now.
She now weighs 31 pounds (14kg) and is 38 3/4 inches (98 cm) tall. When she came home in July she weighed 30 pounds, then lost a couple pounds of chub, only to gain more muscle, and she is determined to play soccer with Elia and Alex in the spring (all three will be on the same team!).

Speaking of her leg - after a couple of visits to the Chiropractor her walking has greatly improved. Her lower back, hip, knee and ankle were pretty much out of alignment, and it's really amazing to see what a bit of "mechanics" can do for your body! Did you know that Castor oil is a natural anti-inflammatory agent? I have to massage her leg with that stuff now (STIIIICKY!), to help her leg heal and her ligaments get stronger.

Her English continues to get better and better, and she has mastered over half of the alphabet, many shapes, numbers and most colors. I'm sorry if this sounds a bit "braggy", I'm just so impressed with the speed she is picking up these things. And it's not like we study flashcards, either. And it's definitely NOT because of my genes *Ha*. That's the best, anti-braggy part abut it! She really, really wants to go to school, and if anything comes up between now and the end of the school year, we might send her.

She has quite an argumentative streak in her, and it's worse when she skips a nap. Instead of "tired and whiny" she gets "tired and sassy", so needless to say I'm not planning on scratching naps off her schedule yet ;-)). With as much patience and love as we can, we are teaching her to be obedient, and to accept our parental authority. Sometimes she accepts it readily, and sometimes she tries to "escape emotionally", usually crawling in my bed, crying and shaking her little head when I tell her I love her. With an extra dose of Mama-snuggles she usually comes out of those moments quickly.

This afternoon we went to the swimming pool, as she loves the water. She even went down the kiddie slide by herself, and she trusted that I would catch her at the bottom (which I managed to do every time - whewww!). These are such "victory moments" for me, when my heart just leaps for her! She is such a brave little thing! However, after the swimming she went into complete melt-down mode. She was crushed that the red backpack we brought to the swimming pool was not hers alone. In fact, Anya had gotten it from school, so I told her that even though it was Anya's, everybody could use it. Well, that was not good enough, and she cried all the way home. She even said "I'm everybody". As soon as we were home, we went on an inventory tour. We looked at all the things that were hers: Baby whale, her blankie, her play kitchen, her bed, her dolls, her friend Susu, her ladybug piggy bank, her necklace, her clothes, her green backpack, and her Mama! I could tell that she felt so much better, and the red swimming pool backpack was no longer an issue. This is one of those situations where something just sets her off in a way I would never have expected!

She CANNOT wait for her birthday, and she is tired of all these birthdays before hers. She wants a "Miaow Miaow" cake (aka Hello Kitty), and of course I'm obliging, as this seems the less daunting task than the "Sheriff cake" Alex requested for his birthday on the 17th ;-)

Just a couple of "Ouch" moments to embarass myself, and then I'll better send off this post.
Earlier this week Nina was playing in our walk-in closet, and after I was done in there, I left her as she was still playing with a game. A while later I heard her calling me, and I called back to her that I was in the kitchen. Nothing. A few minutes later I heard sobs coming from our bedroom. I walked in, and it was pitch black. Someone-and-I-promised-not-to-mention-any-names-on-the-blog had turned off all the lights, not realizing that she was in there. Poor little thing was totally beside herself. Not like that was bad enough - the next day she somehow got left behind between double doors at a public building we went into, and I didn't even realize we were missing her until another girl brought her in. Of course she was in tears again. Bad Mama!
I don't think these stories will be part of our next post-placement report.
:-O

I have some other cool things to share that happened recently, and more pictures, but this will have to do for tonight.
Have a wonderful Sunday!