First it was "But Daddy said...", now it's "I don't have to...".
"Nina, it's time to eat, get in your chair, please."
"I don't have to...."
"Nina, put on your shoes, so we can go to the store.."
"I don't have to..."
You get the picture....
From the adoption books I have read, I have learned that even older children have to go through all developmental stages again once they are with their new parents.
It made sense.
We made sure we nurtured Nina a lot like a newborn after she came home: Time in a sling, bottles (which she still loves), sleeping with us (which she loves even more).
She went through a stage of some stranger anxiety.
She had to be very dependent on us while her leg was in a cast for 6 weeks.
And now?
Dare I say that this is the terrible 2's?
Only 2 of our bio kids really were "terrible" - one of them was to the point that I was not sure if I was going to survive him.... (again, not mentioning any names :-)) )
Nina's urge for independence, control, and testing her boundaries HAS to be this phase, right? It's different to have a 4 year old going through this stage, though.
And again I'm so unsure of how to approach this - yes, she needs learn that certain things just go a certain way. Period. At the same time I want her to know that I AM on her side, and that I DO want what's best for her. I need to re-learn to GIVE her some control, especially since she IS four and not two.
Her older siblings are a bit annoyed with this new little attitude, and she has quite a few little Dads and a little Mom who are in her face about it. I have to tell them all the time that they are not the parent, and that they need to let Daddy and Mama handle it.
I'm clinging to the hope that this is a GOOD thing, and that Nina HAS to go through this, and that it's great she is going through this phase after being with us for only 8 months. I do feel like such a first-time-adoptive-parent though (and yes, I am), where I just HOPE that this too shall pass, and that it will get better. I have no experience to fall back on. I'm just trying to do my best *sigh*.
Please, all you other adoptive parents, enlighten me.....
Yes, I'm a little tired tonight. This has been a long week...
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10 comments:
There are different stages about our kids. Some are easy (?) and some are hard and difficult. And sometimes it changes every day! You should do something good for yourself: a warm bath, a good book, some music or eat some sugus (hahaha) - and the world will look much better. En schöne Abig mit dem Mike oder echli eleige-Ziit am Ufer vo öiem Tümpel - hey, es chunnt scho guet!
Liebi Grüess
Hanna
Oh Barb...I am SO THERE WITH YA!!! It must be just a stage. After I spoke with you last week...you know...Sadie had been in that same stage for over a week. It was TERRIBLE!! Sunday morning...she spilled her cheerios...(dry ones...no milk) Which...it was NOT a big deal...we light heartedly said...OOPS...it's ok...let's pick them up. WELL...Sadie didn't want to and she WAS NOT going to budge. We kept giving her chances to do it and she kept telling us no. Finally, I grabbed her hand...put it on one of the cheerios and placed it back in the bowl. Then I told HER to do it. She began to do it and as she did it she let out the BIGGEST CRY. It was like her will broke. You could just feel it in the spirit of the moment. She was holding firm and WAS NOT going to do it. Once she broke, and did it. She was fine...and she has really been great since. I don't know what happened...but something clicked. I am SO grateful for it. These stages are SO hard. They are really testing. Anyway, we WILL get through them!!! I think about you guys often. I'l keep you in our prayers too!!! Bless you!
Buffi
Oh Barb...I am SO THERE WITH YA!!! It must be just a stage. After I spoke with you last week...you know...Sadie had been in that same stage for over a week. It was TERRIBLE!! Sunday morning...she spilled her cheerios...(dry ones...no milk) Which...it was NOT a big deal...we light heartedly said...OOPS...it's ok...let's pick them up. WELL...Sadie didn't want to and she WAS NOT going to budge. We kept giving her chances to do it and she kept telling us no. Finally, I grabbed her hand...put it on one of the cheerios and placed it back in the bowl. Then I told HER to do it. She began to do it and as she did it she let out the BIGGEST CRY. It was like her will broke. You could just feel it in the spirit of the moment. She was holding firm and WAS NOT going to do it. Once she broke, and did it. She was fine...and she has really been great since. I don't know what happened...but something clicked. I am SO grateful for it. These stages are SO hard. They are really testing. Anyway, we WILL get through them!!! I think about you guys often. I'l keep you in our prayers too!!! Bless you!
Buffi
Something must be in the air...K & Q have definitely had some good testing moments the last week! The Lord just keeps saying to me "Train them, train them..."
I have enjoyed catching up on your blog!
I'm reading a great book for the second time..."Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Ted Tripp. It's fantastic and very Christ-centered on discipline and training. Now that I'm reading it again God is giving me lots of chances to practice what I'm learning! ;)
Love,
Laine
Barb - I am learning so much from you and Buffi. It's nice having friends go through this a few months ahead of me. You both can test the waters for me first. Now that the China countdown is under double digits, the reality is really sinking in. I can already feel our Emma turning into Mommy mode and we'll have to remind her that she's the big sister and doesn't have to parent Josie. Thanks for keeping it "real" online.
Love,
Kim K.
I love your blog!! I found your blog on 'Waiting for Sophie' Nina is beautiful!!!
Barb,
You've been tagged. If you want to participate, list 7 random things and then list my blog at the end and 6 others you tag and then go their blogs and tell them they've been tagged. Happy Friday and hugs to Nina.
Julie
Mia has just started refusing things also! She will just look at me and say "no". No explanation.....just "no".
I keep telling myself "this is a good thing..."
Sherri
Hi Barb,
This is a good thing, though when you're in the middle of it, it's tough. Not having faced any of these 'adoptive' issues yet, the way I see it, Nina feels SO SECURE AND LOVED with you guys, she's ABLE to go though this stage;-)!! Praise God! From what I can tell, you're doing a GREAT job! Pat yourself on the back.
~Tami
You're doing a great job, and with all your experience, you've hit the nail on the head with your assessment. When my eight year old is just now going through the 3s and 4s of asking "Why?" about everything, I feel that I can relate. You're just kind of drained by the end of each week, aren't you? Thank goodness for weekends when Dad is able to relieve some of the pressure!
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